Getting scared

Ethan’s appointment is coming up soon, about 6 days away. I’m starting to feel emotional again today. I’m getting scared about everything and it is starting to hit me again that this is really happening. It’s not just a dream. I so wish it were just a dream. I don’t want my baby to go thru this! I keep asking why him, or if it had to happen, why couldn’t it happen to me instead? I don’t want to see him go thru any pain, or the surgery. and what if something goes wrong? He could be paralyzed or even die from the surgery. He’s still so little and hasn’t even had the chance to live his life yet.

I’ve been really good until today. Trying to research everything, and just have fun with Ethan. But I was sitting here listening to him wake up and make all his little noises and started thinking about how I couldn’t go on living without that. With out him. :(

I’m sorry. I had to vent a little.

Feeling better

 

Well I’ve started to feel a little better today. I didn’t get a lot of sleep last night, but I’m not as exhausted as I was.

Anyways, on July 23rd Eli, Ethan & I went to the ‘Days of 47’ rodeo. Eli’s mom gave us some tickets for some great seats! We were on the 2nd row from the barricades. We were so close that dirt would hit us when the horses ran by! :) Ethan had fun, but was a little bit tired and fussy, so at 9pm (intermission) we left. Eli had to work the next morning so there was no way we were staying until 11!

The next day July 24th, I took Ethan to the Butlerville Day’s parade in Cottonwood Heights with the Davies clan. :) He was pretty sleepy then too, so he wasn’t too into the parade, but he had a good time at the house playing with his cousins and aunts and uncles. Then when Eli got there around 7pm we went over the the festival and walked around ate some free watermelon, and chatted with friends. We stayed for the fireworks, Ethan loves fireworks! :) It’s so cute watching him, watch the fireworks. Then we went back to Eli’s parents and had root beer floats and chatted with the family.

 

Well here is a video of Ethan playing with his Daddy after the rodeo!

Ethan’s arachnoid cyst #2

Here are some surgery options for Ethan’s cyst. We are hoping for the Endoscopic Fenestration of course. We will find out about what our options are on Aug. 12th.

Procedure details

Endoscopic Fenestration is done by making one or two dime sized holes in the skull. The surgeon then guides the endoscope into the brain until it reaches the arachnoid cyst. Then a small incision is made into the cyst to help the fluid flow out, so that the pressure is relieved.

Craniotomy Fenestration is done by removing a portion of the skull so the surgeon can access the brain. Then an incision is made into the arachnoid cyst during the fenestration, so that the cyst fluid can drain out.

Cysto-peritoneal shunting is the most common form of shunting performed on arachnoid cysts. In this procedure a shunt catheter is placed inside the arachnoid cyst and is attached to a distal tube which allows the cyst fluid to drain down to the abdomen. But in some cases Ventriculo-Peritoneal and even Cysto-Pleural shunting are performed on arachnoid cyst patients. If the arachnoid cyst is in communication with the ventricles, the shunt can be placed in the ventricles and drained to either the abdomen, pleura, jugular vein or heart.

 

Outcomes

Endoscopic Fenestration

Endoscopic fenestration can achieve positive results, and is minimally invasive. After surgery the patient usually leaves the hospital after 24 hours, if not the same day.

Craniotomy Fenestration

Whenever the brain is open to the air, there is a risk of infection. When a bone flap is removed from the skull, it comes along with a significant amount of pain. But all going well the patient should leave the hospital two to four days after surgery. In some cases the bone flap is wired back onto the skull at a later date, but this sometimes is not necessary.

Shunting

If possible shunting should be a last resort because the patient can become shunt dependent or suffer shunt related complications in addition to the arachnoid cyst. This can result in multiple surgeries, which are called shunt revisions. There is also an increased risk for infection every time the shunt is revised. If the patient becomes infected, the shunt will need to be externalized while the patient is given antibiotics. The hospital stay for this is quite long and entails at least two surgeries.

Unfortunately, even if the surgery (whichever it may be) is successful, and symptoms dissipate, arachnoid cysts can reaccumulate. If the patient's first surgery was a craniotomy fenestration, the second surgery is usually placement of a shunt. Some have complete resolution with only one surgery, whereas others need three or four before the cyst stops causing symptoms. This is one of the reasons why Arachnoid Cyst Awareness is pleading with the medical world to introduce more research into this subject, so that a more solid cure can be found

Ethan’s arachnoid cyst

July 28th was Ethan’s 9 month checkup. The day started out pretty great. I woke up early took a shower and got ready and decided to weed one of our flower beds before my sister came to drop of my niece (and before it was 90 degrees out! ) Then I did the dishes and vacuumed the house while the kids played. Then at 11:00 we left for Ethan’s appointment. He was happy and flirting with all the receptionists and moving around everywhere. we were happy to find out that he didn't need any shots and that he was 3 months above average mentally & physically. Then his pediatrician told us that his head was getting larger rather fast and we should go get a CT scan just to be sure, could be nothing, but they deemed it necessary.

We then dropped Lindsay off at my mom’s work and headed out to Primary Children’s hospital in Riverton, they got us right in, Ethan was a little bit upset being strapped down, but once we talked to him and showed him all the toys he was giggling in no time! The scan got finished and we waited a few minutes for the doctor to look them over. Then they asked me to come in the other room, that my doctor was on the phone and wanted to talk to me, at that point I knew something was wrong. She told me about his cyst and wanted to have a neurosurgeon review the scans to see if it was a concern.

The doctor that reviewed the scans showed us what was there. The cyst was covering the right side/middle of his brain and adding pressure to the frontal lobe. He said it may need to be taken out and that would be explained to us if the neurosurgeon wanted to see him. Sure enough about a half hour later Ethan’s doctor called and said that the NS’s office would be calling us to make an appointment and that we would have to see him within the next 2 weeks or sooner. They double booked us into the schedule because the NS was booked until the end of Sept. We meet with Dr. Brockmeyer on August 12th.

There is what happened so far. Elijah is so very sensitive and was crying ever since we had left the pediatricians office and on thru the whole night. Me I couldn’t cry, it didn’t seem real to me, and I felt like I had to be the strong one. (I really hate being the strong one)

I called my mom on the way back to her office and told her what was going on, she offered to set up a priesthood blessing by my grandfather and father in law, at that moment I lost it! I couldn’t speak. I cried the rest of the way back.

My parents, grandparents & Eli’s parents all came over. They gave each of us a blessing. Then we had dinner and talked and played with Ethan. He still was so happy like nothing was wrong. It’s so hard to think that he has no clue what’s about to come to him. :(

we went to bed that night and I completely broke down (finally) I cried in Elijah’s arms and finally got out all my feelings and worries. We cried together for a few hours and finally passed out from exhaustion. I woke up in the morning an hour early and cried for about an hour more.

I’m so worried about the surgery, that he could come out of it a completely different baby, lose the personality that we all love!

 

Well I am very tired, it’s been an exhausting weekend, so I am going to head to bed. Here is the definition of an Arachnoid Cyst:

 

Arachnoid cysts are cerebrospinal fluid covered by arachnoidal cells and collagen that may develop between the surface of the brain and the cranial base or on the arachnoid membrane, one of the three membranes that cover the brain and the spinal cord. Arachnoid cysts are a congenital disorder, and most cases begin during infancy; however, onset may be delayed until adolescence.

Diagnosed

July 28th was Ethan’s 9 month checkup. The day started out pretty great. I woke up early took a shower and got ready and decided to weed one of our flower beds before my sister came to drop of my niece (and before it was 90 degrees out! ) Then I did the dishes and vacuumed the house while the kids played. Then at 11:00 we left for Ethan’s appointment. He was happy and flirting with all the receptionists and moving around everywhere. we were happy to find out that he didn't need any shots and that he was 3 months above average mentally & physically. Then his pediatrician told us that his head was getting larger rather fast and we should go get a CT scan just to be sure, could be nothing, but they deemed it necessary.

We then dropped Lindsay off at my mom’s work and headed out to Primary Children’s hospital in Riverton, they got us right in, Ethan was a little bit upset being strapped down, but once we talked to him and showed him all the toys he was giggling in no time! The scan got finished and we waited a few minutes for the doctor to look them over. Then they asked me to come in the other room, that my doctor was on the phone and wanted to talk to me, at that point I knew something was wrong. She told me about his cyst and wanted to have a neurosurgeon review the scans to see if it was a concern.

The doctor that reviewed the scans showed us what was there. The cyst was covering the right side/middle of his brain and adding pressure to the frontal lobe. He said it may need to be taken out and that would be explained to us if the neurosurgeon wanted to see him. Sure enough about a half hour later Ethan’s doctor called and said that the NS’s office would be calling us to make an appointment and that we would have to see him within the next 2 weeks or sooner. They double booked us into the schedule because the NS was booked until the end of Sept. We meet with Dr. Brockmeyer on August 12th.

There is what happened so far. Elijah is so very sensitive and was crying ever since we had left the pediatricians office and on thru the whole night. Me I couldn’t cry, it didn’t seem real to me, and I felt like I had to be the strong one. (I really hate being the strong one)

I called my mom on the way back to her office and told her what was going on, she offered to set up a priesthood blessing by my grandfather and father in law, at that moment I lost it! I couldn’t speak. I cried the rest of the way back.

My parents, grandparents & Eli’s parents all came over. They gave each of us a blessing. Then we had dinner and talked and played with Ethan. He still was so happy like nothing was wrong. It’s so hard to think that he has no clue what’s about to come to him. :(

we went to bed that night and I completely broke down (finally) I cried in Elijah’s arms and finally got out all my feelings and worries. We cried together for a few hours and finally passed out from exhaustion. I woke up in the morning an hour early and cried for about an hour more.

I’m so worried about the surgery, that he could come out of it a completely different baby, lose the personality that we all love!

 

Well I am very tired, it’s been an exhausting weekend, so I am going to head to bed. Here is the definition of an Arachnoid Cyst:

 

Arachnoid cysts are cerebrospinal fluid covered by arachnoidal cells and collagen that may develop between the surface of the brain and the cranial base or on the arachnoid membrane, one of the three membranes that cover the brain and the spinal cord. Arachnoid cysts are a congenital disorder, and most cases begin during infancy; however, onset may be delayed until adolescence.

Mother's Day

Well a couple weeks before Mother's Day we went to Murray park and took some family photo's and I made a couple collages to give out to our mom's and grandma. It was my first attempt and I think they turned out alright.

Mother's Day was a very busy day for us. We woke up early and drove to Farmington for a baby blessing. It was for my friends Brian & Nikki for their baby Teigen. I hadn't seen them since my wedding so I had to go! It was a lot of fun. And while in the middle of sacrament meeting Ethan was talking a lot, he likes "Bah Bah Bah!" Elijah had been working on getting him to say mama. And he did right there at church, said "ma ma ma" a couple times and said "Da da da da" right in the middle of church, for the very first time. It was sweet and both Elijah and me teared up a little. Best gift ever!

Well to make a long story short we ended up driving all around from West Jordan to Cottonwood Heights and back and forth a couple of times to make sure we saw all our family. By the time we got home Ethan passed out and slept the whole night long. 

Love my little man!

Love my baby boy!

So Ethan is doing so much better. We upped his acid reflux medicine and he has a prescription steroid lotion for his eczema so he is feeling all better and is so much fun! (not that he wasn't fun before) He doesn't sit and itch anymore or spit up all the time. I'm so happy he's doing better. He crawls all over the place, and is doing this adorable thing where he gets up on all fours and just wobbles for a bit, then falls down. I think he's trying to crawl on his feet instead of his knees! He is really babbling a lot. He Say's "yeah yeah yeah" & "eeeeeeee" It's so funny. Oh and he is mimicking us when we cough! Such a silly boy! I love him so much!

Well here are some picture collages that my friend Brieann did for me of Ethan at 3 months old.

6 Month checkup

So Ethan had his 6 month checkup on Wednesday. He weighs 20 lbs 12 Oz's and is 28 inches long. His head is in the 99th percentile, so the doctor measured both Elijah and my head, and guess what, we are both in the 99th percentile as well. Poor kid is doomed to have a huge head!

Well so far the poor guy has had some problem almost every month. At 2 months we found out that he has acid reflux. 4 months he got thrush. 5 months he got a bronchial infection and had to take steroids. 6 months he has eczema. I feel so bad, and there is nothing I can do to stop all of it. His eczema gets so bad sometimes that even the best lotions for eczema still burns when I put it on him, and then he won’t stop crying for at least 20 minutes. I hate having to do something that hurts him, but in the long run it makes it better.

Well he has been such a trooper through all of it and is so happy despite spitting up constantly and always being itchy. He is growing up way too fast. He's crawling all over the place and jabbering all day long. I love him so much!

Well the doctor says that he's 3 1/2 months ahead of the average. Not just his size but his motor skills as well. She said that two of the ways he was playing with his toys at the appointment are things 9 month olds are just learning. I'm glad he's learning quickly, but he's growing up so fast!

Well his teeth are so close to breaking through, and it hasn't been fun. His gums are so swollen and he's drooling like crazy, and his nose is always stuffed up and running. Just when he gets a little better this all happens, and it also is making his eczema worse.

Anyways, I'll stop complaining. It’ll all get better soon. It's not easy being a mom though, always worrying about your baby and trying to be strong when they get sick or get hurt. But I'll always be there for him.

Present: Body for Life / Weeks 1-3

So week 1 went really well. I lost 12 lbs and I have so much more energy! I could already tell by week 2 that I had an easier time working out and waking up early wasn’t as hard. But I’m sure having a baby helps with that since I have to get up at all hours of the night depending on how he sleeps. :)
Well Monday and Tuesday were pretty easy, Wednesday I had to force myself to get out of bed and Thursday I got mad at Elijah for waking me up, but I got up worked out and felt better. Friday was good, but Saturday we both slept in till 8 instead of getting up at 6 to work out, and our whole day was messed up. We went to a BBQ and ate turkey burgers and salad and sweet potatoes which were great, but watching the rest of the family eat ribs and hotdogs and drink and eat snacks was a little hard, but we did it.

Sunday was our free day, we got to sleep in, we didn’t have to work out and we got to eat whatever we wanted to.

Week 2 was pretty good, I woke up early and worked out Monday thru Thursday Friday I slept in until 7 and waited until Lindsay was napping to work out. Ethan does so well playing in his jumper while I do my workout. Friday I did cardio and had a really hard time, my calves just started to cramp up and burn so I had to stop my work out early. I really think I was dehydrated, I am really bad about drinking water. So Saturday I walked to the store for my workout and I got some life water and PowerAde Zero so I could get some hydration and the electrolytes that my body needs without all the extra sugar they add to the other sports drinks.
Week 3 started off bad. Monday and Tuesday I had a stomach flu or something, and I couldn’t work out. I ate well, and drank a lot of water and rested. And Tuesday night went for a little walk with the family to see if I would feel better. My knee’s ached but I took it slow and I was okay.
Today seems better. I still feel dizzy so I am going to hydrate today and try working out tonight when the hubs gets home. We will see if I can get back on it.

Present: Body 4 Life

So I decided that I am going to jump forward this time to the present. I still have a lot to catch up on but the less I do now, the further behind I get.
Well today Elijah and I started a new weight loss program. I am calling it our “Life Change” program, because we are going to try and stay on it and make it a life change and not just a quick fix diet, because, as most people know, those don’t work. Once you stop the diet, you gain back all the weight.

So Body for Life consists of eating well & portion sized meals, cutting out the sweets, fats, preservatives, and all the junk we eat. We have certain allowed foods. Then we also have a work out plan to follow. We have 3 days cardio for 20 minutes a day & 3 days weight training for about 45 minutes a day and you rotate each day. So I did cardio today, I’ll do weight training tomorrow and so on. Oh and Sunday is our free day. We get to relax and eat whatever we please.

I woke up this morning at 6:00 AM, I really didn’t want to get up, but I am determined to stick to this. I got up stumbled around for about 10 minutes, got dressed in my work out clothes had my 2 glasses of water and headed downstairs to start my diet.

With cardio I do 2 minutes warm up walking, then each minute I go up a level for the next 4 minutes, and then I go back to a fast walk, each minute going up a level for the next 3 minutes. Then back down to a fast walk, and again going up a level for the next 3 minutes. By the 4th minute I’ve reached a level 10, which is where I want to stop, my legs ache, I’m now running on an incline and I’m breathing hard, I want to stop, but really a minute is not that bad… is it? I keep it up till I am dripping with sweat… finally the minute is up, and I go back to 2 minutes at a slow walk… and I’m done!

That’s all it takes, just warming yourself up to that final push where you don’t think you can work out any longer, but you just push yourself more and more until you really can’t do anymore. It’s great… it really makes me feel like I could finally get some control on my life. Control of my weight again, and really maybe get to the point of loving myself again! Finally! I can’t remember a time when I actually loved myself.

I am planning on doing something that I would never ever do! I am going to completely let it all go, I am going to post my before pictures on here. To completely hit the bottom and expose the disgust that I feel about myself, the part of me I try to hide, to let it go and completely let the embarrassment go, it’s the only way I feel I can make it through all of it. I will post pictures of my progress as I go. And we’ll see what happens.

So sorry if you have to witness my completely disgusting and nasty pictures on here. If you can’t stand it please don’t come back to my blog. It’s me exposed and accepting myself for once in my life.

Thanks!

*Pictures will be coming soon!

Past: Pregnancy

~The good, the bad & the ugly~

My pregnancy was almost bitter sweet. From the moment I found out I was pregnant up to about 13 weeks along I was terrified of having a miscarriage because I was bleeding off and on up till 7 months along. We did have a scare on February 26th I thought I was losing the baby so we called my doctors office, because of what was going on (I wont go into detail, it’s not pretty) they told me to go straight to the Emergency Room. I was about 4 – 5 weeks along. They tested my blood and checked everything out, after a few hours they said everything looked okay, but since they couldn’t find a heart beat during an ultrasound (it was still too early) to go into my doctors in a week or so.



We had an early ultrasound that was scheduled a week later, because I was on fertility drugs, they wanted to check early to see if I had multiple babies. Nope only one, and this time we could see his little heart beating away.



We had another ultrasound a week later. That time we could hear the heart beat and so we decided to tell everyone after that, that we were having a baby! Elijah was in charge of telling his family. I guess I should have known that he couldn’t say the words. He is so sensitive that if he said it out loud to anyone, he’d start to cry, so he just showed his mom the ultrasound picture (which only showed a little bean shaped baby) and texted the news to the rest of the family. When his brother Isaiah got home from his mission a few weeks later I had Elijah tell him at the airport as we were there to meet him when he got home, Elijah mumbled the words out and started to cry. So sweet.



Well I loved being pregnant, getting a belly and feeling Ethan kick was so amazing. I actually felt really comfortable being pregnant, until the last week.



I left work Friday, October 16th for maternity leave. I wanted to try and get things cleaned and ready, and hopefully get some rest. Yeah that was a joke!! I was super exhausted all the time, so I had a hard time doing any work. I couldn’t ever get comfortable, and once I did, I had to get up to pee all the time. And getting up… ha-ha… it took at least a full minute to get up off the couch, or roll off the bed. I couldn’t see my feet anymore, or bend over. I had to get help to put on my shoes, I pretty much lived in flip flops the last month.



Anyways, we went in on Tuesday October 20th for a checkup and ultra sound, the ultrasound showed that Ethan hadn’t dropped at all, and was possibly HUGE, by the size of his head measurements. They said possibly 9lbs 10 oz’s! I had gone into false labor 2 times and was having regular contractions, but still he wouldn’t drop, so my doctor suggested a C-section, for the safety of our baby. We agreed and it was scheduled for Friday, October 23rd.

16 weeks

20 weeks

24 weeks

30 weeks

34 weeks

Coming this fall!

16 weeks... little face

spine

Cute little yawn!

Past: After the honeymoon

~ Peace, Love & Happiness ~

Elijah and I came back to our regular lives, him working at Kennecott, with his completely annoying hours, and me at Merrick Bank. We went on a few trips to Arizona, and also to Vegas for Elijah’s cousin’s wedding, and also celebrated the birth of our nephew Bridger. We moved out of our apartment and bought a house August 2008.

~ Arizona ~

~Vegas~

~ Bridger ~

~ House ~

Well after the honeymoon we decided that I should stop taking birth control and try and see if I could get pregnant, we didn’t have much hope since I knew I had medical problems that would make it hard to get pregnant in the first place. So we tried for about 6 months with no medical assistance, and nothing happened, so we decided to see a doctor. My doctor wanted us to try another 6 months, while working on loosing weight and all that fun stuff… not. Lol. Well we tried another 6 months and I lost 20 lbs and still nothing. We had pretty much giving up all hope in getting pregnant, but decided to go back to the doc again. This time she put me on a drug called clomid, it makes your ovaries produce more eggs at once so you have a better chance of getting pregnant. I took the pills and figured we’d try but we didn’t expect any miracles. I had decided that if this time it didn’t work we’d stop trying to get pregnant, I would work on loosing more weight and we’d just work on saving up money and getting to know each other more. But…. What we didn’t know is that I was already pregnant. I found out the morning of February 16th 2009. It was a complete surprise. I had been up several times to use the restroom and was completely irritated by the lack of sleep because of it. And just though, well I’ll take a pregnancy test for fun, it wont be positive, I was sure of it. So half asleep I took my test, finished up my business... ha-ha… and waited the 5 minutes or so to check. I looked at the test and was so confused, I had never seen this result before, and I had tested A LOT while we were trying. It was positive, I had to look at the instructions again because I wasn’t sure I was seeing it right.


I was still in the bathroom and I called for Elijah, he was still sleeping and he thought I was hurt or something, he came running in and I asked him to look at the test. He was so calm and said “oh, it’s positive.” And the rest is history.

More to come later! :)

Past: The Honeymoon

The morning after our wedding, we woke up early (wish we hadn’t) and went to my mom’s to open up presents and drop off our car so my mom could drive us to the airport. We decided to go to Disney Land for our Honeymoon, neither of us had been. My best friend Roya and her boyfriend picked us up from the airport that night and we got to go out and have dinner with them, it was perfect since Roya couldn’t make the trip to Utah for our wedding. We stayed at a crummy hotel across the street from the park so that we could just walk over. We were there 3 days and 4 nights. It was so fun to just go out and be alone with each other, not have to worry about work or bills, I wish it was always that way. Then Tuesday morning we took a golden limo to the airport and headed back home, Elijah had to get back to work the next day. Anyways, here are some pictures of the trip.

Past: The Wedding :)

Our wedding was on Thursday November 17th 2007. We were married at the Carmel Reception Center. I loved it, it was such a beautiful wedding. We went that morning and did a rehearsal with all of the wedding party at the reception center, then went to my grandma’s house for brunch.

Then the bride and groom split up until the ceremony. I went with my mom and bridesmaids to get our hair and make up done, while Elijah went with his best man to drop off our car (we didn’t want it trashed) at our hotel and to check us in. We stayed at the Anniversary Inn (Romeo & Juliet room) in SLC for the night. Well I’m sure you’re bored with my story, because I already am, and I think pictures will tell a better story, so here are some pictures of the wedding, reception and our room.